5 "Best" Wost albums ever

There are some albums that are so bad that transcend to a new level. They will never be good, not by a long shot and one of these may very well be the worst music ever created on a either an artistic of technical scale. But there is a little something in these that make them special. Something that makes them worth being heard or maybe even revered, but they are not great or good or ok. They are bad and all the more important because of it.

5.) Peter and the Wolf- Weird Al Yankovic

Weird Al does "Peter and the Wolf" and "Carnival of Animals". Of course Peter and the Wolf is filled with some juvenile humor that rarely hits the mark and Carnival of Animals is about animals such as Aardvark, Amoeba, Unicorns, and Poodle. The reason it is so bad that it is fun is the Carnival of Animals part two. The silly openings to the short motifs are smile worthy.
can't find the music but here is Al's spoken intro to all the Carnival of Animals parts

4.) Mad Cap Laughs- Syd Barret

This album has a cult following and is truly fascinating. But with out the knowledge that Syd Barret was going mad at the time this album would just sound like a pretentious anti-music statement that would leave me cold. As it is it is one of the most brilliantly disjointed albums that makes you marvel at the poor state of Barret’s mind as he switches tempo forcing his backing band to change to and even though they didn’t do it right keeping it on the record.
No Good Trying

3.) Attila – Attila

Now this one is really obscure. It is one of Billy Joel’s early bands and as he himself called it, the music is “psychedelic bullshit”. And it sure sounds like the average garage psychedelic crap of the time until you realize something. There are NO guitars. Just Joel on organ (feeding it through wah-wahs and feedback) and Jon Small on drums. This was Billy Joel’s only truly revolutionary work and unfortunately it didn’t workout. Billy Joel could have been the Hendrix of piano, it just so happened that Hendrix isn’t for everywhere
Holy Moses

2.) The Transformed Man-William Shatner

You listen to this album and you think, is he serious or is this a joke? Let me tell you it sure seems like a joke when he is doing “Mr. Tambourine Man” but during the spoken word reading of classic monologues over psychedelic backing makes him seem deathly serious…which in turn makes the album all the more ridiculous. It is beatnick at it's worst.
Mr. Tambourine Man

1.) Philosophy of the world- The Shaggs

Ah the band Frank Zappa called “Better then the Beatles”. (of course knowing Zappa he was probably both joking and deadly serious at the same time.) Before you listen to this album, or any song by The Shaggs, read there story here (or read it in this Octopus Pie storyline that introduced me to them). These girls could not write and could not play. They had a total talent pool of zero. Their story is heartbreaking and kind of creepy. But I dare you to read how this band came to be and then listen to the horribleness that is “Who are Parents” without feeling something.
Who are Parents

Why Me?

My “Music Review Motto” is distilled in two key phrases

1. With art it is always better to get something then not
2. Getting something and Enjoying it are not necessarily the same
   
   

So now that I bored you with my opinion for ten days I should probably explain why my opinion is valid.

Reason #1: I recognize it is my opinion.

While I will always try and look at something objectively and will even be able to concede when something I don’t like is important or actually good, I will not claim to be a completely objective critic. It is impossible to write about a piece of music from a purely objective point of view once you have moved past the purely technical part. By acknowledging my subjectivity I can be much more frank and honest about the music I am listening to. I can take a step back and say “This song sucks for these reasons but I still like it for these reasons.” or “ this song has a solid hook, clever lyrics, and a great solo…but I hate it because…” Which leads me to…

Reason #2: I try and figure out “Why?”

Ever since I grew out of the phase of my life where I only listened to classic rock I have never been satisfied with just not liking something. I need to find a reason why. Is it the production value? And what exactly about the production? If I can’t figure out why I dislike something I try and make a point of delving into the song or artist until I either get over what ever I didn’t like or I can pinpoint it.

Reason #3: Volume.

I have 17,801 songs on my ipod, and I have listened to every single one. I don’t remember them all the time but I have them to compare and contrast to. Culture doesn’t exist in a vacuum so I will be pulling comparisons from all over the place and I have a lot to pull from.

Reason #4: I got eclectic taste

If I put my ipod on shuffle the first ten songs are all different genres. Alternative, techno, singer song-writer, parody, meta-rock, glam, blues, nerdcore, and soul. In fact there are only two or three genres of music that I just can not enjoy (death metal, crunk, and rage rock to name them).

this post was written circa 2 A.M. and I have no Idea how coherent it is so if it isn't please let me know, I plan on editing it up until it basically will morph into my reviewing manifesto.

Tomorrow I plan holding your hands through the 5 "best" worst albums ever, but for now please enjoy one of my current favorite cover songs Alice in Chains doing David Bowie's Suffergate City

Top10 Albums of 2009: #1

1.) Aim and Ignite- fun.
Best Song: Walking The Dog vs. The Gambler vs. Take Your Time (Coming Home)
(hope to find some better quality versions to post here then these YouTube ones eventually)

When this album was announced two conflicting feelings coursed through me. One was of excitement. Nate Ruess of The Format, Jack Antonoff of Steel Train, and Andrew Dost from Anathallo are all amazingly talented and I could see how the could mix. On the other hand I was worried. There was always something kind of intentionally sloppy about the music of The Format and I was unsure how much of this was due to Nate. I was unsure how this would mesh with the perfectly calculated arrangements of Dost. It was only Antonoff I wasn’t worried about since over the course of Steel Train’s two Albums he has proven himself an accomplished guitarist who can switch from loud distortion to heart warming acoustic folk to delightful pop riffs without batting an eye, the only thing that worried me is he would have to play like this was The Format Part II.

Of course as it turned out I didn’t need to worry about anything. With the question being what parts or The Format, Anathallo, and Steel Train will be brought to the table? The answer is: All the right ones! They took Nate’s very distinctive voice and used the Formats sloppiness to tone down the too mechanical arrangements of Dost to make them truly beautiful. From the opening of “Be Calm” we are introduced to something I didn’t expect. fun. isn’t just a project or a one off supergroup; this is a BAND.

Since there is not a single song I don’t like I am going to take this track by track and talk about each one.

“Be Calm” is an almost Queen like track, with very anthem like orchestration with sparse but effective guitar work underneath and an effective use of channels. There is a certain art to recording in mono knowing what ear is going to hear what sound, an art that has not always been acknowledged and has become mostly unused since most artists just record in complete stereo, but if you want to know how to do it this track is a perfect example.

“Benson Hedges” was the first song I ever heard by fun. back when it was just a demo, and at first I was under whelmed. The album version however is a different story. It manages to pay homage to gospel and soul music without actually being a gospel or soul song. Instead it is a pure pop song that sounds like is an old Beach Boys demo they pulled out of Brian Wilson’s basement.

“All the Pretty Girls” makes the Queen comparison all the more apparent. Except it is better then almost any song that Queen has done. The guitar work it fuller, and there is a just enough pomp to have fun (I congratulate myself for not using this word for anything but the band name before this point) but not enough to make you think they are too full of themselves.

“I Wanna Be the One” is one of my favorite songs lyrically. It has music that sounds like a cross between a circus and ska played about ten times slower then usual. I know that sounds crazy but listen closely past the strings to the horns, bass, and guitar.

“At Least I’m Not As Sad (As I Used To Be)” continues Nate’s line of songwriting that started with “Dog Problems” and “Does Your Cat Have A Moustache?” Namely multipart pop songs with impassioned bridges/outros.

“Light a Roman Candle” is quiet simply a beautiful innocent song that shows the boys in a Brian Wilson-esque mood again and it works even better then it did on “Benson Hedges”

“Walking the Dog” is simply the best pop song on the record. Between the Reggae influenced guitar work and the use of electronic noise and voice modification that bridges them into an acoustic bridge there is hardly a pointless note in the entire song.

By the time you get to “Barlights” you know what to expect. great horns, great guitar, great singing, and great use of noise. And you will find them here.

For a change of pace from the rest of the album you have “The Gambler”. This is not a rock song. It is full of piano and strings and fanfares. It is so uplifting and heartfelt. The point where Nate sings “You swore you’d be here till we decided it’s our time/It’s not time you never quit in all your life” always gets me.

Now as far as closers to albums there are closers and then there are closers and “Take Your Time (Coming Home)” is a closer. Of all the songs on the album this is the most Rock ‘n Roll. It is a driven song that lasts 7:53 but never gets boring. Nate only gets more energized and frenzied as the song continues, and the guitar break in the middle and ending solo are some of my favorite Jack has ever done.

So when we get down to it this album is derivative and adds nothing new to the music scene and pushed no boundaries. So what? Neither did Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors but does that stop it from being one of the greatest pop records I have ever heard? Of course not, and it doesn’t stop Aim and Ignite from being the best record of the year. Sometimes you need a revelation, sometimes you need a revolution, but sometime…sometimes you just need some fun.

Top10 Albums of 2009: #2

2.) Get Lucky- Mark Knopfler

Best Song: Border Reiver vs, Get Lucky

Mark knopfler - Border river download

found at bomb-mp3 search engine

Mark knopfler - Get lucky download

found at bomb-mp3 search engine

I have to be honest this is a hard album to talk about. Get Lucky isn’t an album to party to, or dance to, or drive to. It is an album to lay around and really LISTEN to. I will never insult this album by just putting it on in the background; it requires all your attention to truly be appreciated.

Mark Knopfler has always been an old man, even when he founded the Dire Straits back when he was 28. And his formula hasn’t changed much since then. But to hell with that, if it isn’t broke don’t fix it and let all those new guys push boundaries and set trends. As it stands Get Lucky is Knopfler’s strongest offering since Making Movies.

“Border Reiver” starts us off and you wonder if you haven’t put the Lord of The Rings soundtrack on by mistake. But then it transforms into a contemplative jig which, sure enough is about Border Reivers. The other highlight is the title track which is a great unassuming song about how life is hard but sometimes you just get lucky. It is almost a Springsteen song but with out all the pompousness. All the other songs are equally good and worth your time but will take some time to assimilate. This is not a one listen album, but let me tell you; on that 3rd or 4th listen you will suddenly get it and Get Lucky will take you away.

Top10 Albums of 2009: #3

3.) Backspacer- Pearl Jam

Best Song: The End

Pearl jam - The end download

found at bomb-mp3 search engine

Pearl Jam has always had a problem. They always wrote good or even great songs, they were consistent in image and content, and they have some serious playing chops. What they always lacked was the knowledge of when to stop a song. Almost every song they have ever written goes on maybe one or two minutes longer then it should. Either the solo spot it to long or there is a needless outro or a superfluous verse. Either way with the exception of “Daughter” and “Alive” there have been very few Pearl Jam songs that I will sit all the way through when I am not actively listening.

Of course that problem has completely gone away with Backspacer. It starts with four very enjoyable poppy rock songs with the longest lasting 3:02. Now of these four enjoy “The Fixer” the most enjoyable (others might be sick of it being played all over the radio but I never listen to the radio). It feels the most like an old Pearl Jam song with all the unnecessary bits left off while the rest seem like a new face for Pearl Jam which they really do need. Heck “Johnny Guitar” almost sounds like a Panic at the Disco song which I think is awesome.

The second best song comes courtesy of the delightful acoustic ballad “Just Breathe”. The true charm of the song doesn’t lie in Vedder’s homely bleat that is reminiscent of pre-glam rock Marc Bolan, or in the lush orchestration, or the soothing acoustic guitar. Well it does owe a lot to all of these things but the secret is very much the same as the secret of “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles. That delightful background synth. It just chimes in and takes you away. Most of the second half of Backspacer is filled with a type of songwriting that reminds me of The Pixies, short rock songs that are both sparse and fully arranged at the same time (if that makes any sense) and that is just fine with me!

“The End” is an acoustic and a string laden song that is so heartfelt that you can’t help but be breath taken. It sounds like it was written by Chris Smithers, and it sounds timeless as far as rock music is conserned. There is nothing about this song that screams out when it was written. This songs could have been from the 60’s or 70’s and no one would bat an eye.

Top10 Albums of 2009: #4

4.) Nothing Rhymes With Woman- Carbon Leaf

Best Song: N/A

Now this was a tough one to decide on and it almost didn’t make the list. But wait a second how can an album have the fate of either being number four or off the list? Well at first every thing before this was going to be up one and Weezer’s Raditude was going to be number 10. Then I started to think about what barely sat off the list at number 11 and started to think about Carbon Leaf. Carbon Leaf is consistent, one of the most consistent bands I have ever listened to with not a bad song in their catalogue something even the Beatles can’t claim. On the other hand this album didn’t wow me like even some of the ones lower in the list. Another thing is unlike all the below this is not the best Carbon Leaf has ever done, that is Indian Summer.

So why does it still make it? Because a good album is a good album; it didn’t wow me, not because it wasn’t wow worthy, but because I expected great. And since I got what I expected Nothing Rhymes With Woman has risen to number 4 while Raditude now sits off the list at number 11.

So what is it exactly you are looking for from this album? A catchy sing-a-long chorus? Don’t miss “Another Man’s Woman” which will have you singing along before you finish the song the first time. Southern Rock guitar? We have that all over the place like on “What Have You Learned?” Make sure you don’t miss the very Tom Petty-ish “Meltdown” which is one of the most rocking songs on here. There is not best song, and this isn’t like on Long Fall Back To Earth where my favorite just keeps changing. There just is no song that I like better then the others. “Another Man’s Woman” will probably most people’s favorite upon first listen but that is only because it is the most accessible. Once you start listening more and more to the album it will stop standing out; which, for once, isn’t a bad thing.

Top10 Albums of 2009: #5

5.) The Long Fall Back To Earth- Jars of Clay
Best Song: Headphones

Jars of clay - Headphones download

found at bomb-mp3 search engine

Going into the top five stretch, and what do a start with; a Christian Rock album!!! The fact is that this is a good album, no that’s wrong. This is a GREAT album! You see there are two things that Jars of Clay have that make them better then most Christian Bands. Number one is good Taste. The other, and this is related to the first point, is they are subtle. This is not an album of songs about how “Jesus Saves” this is a group exploring all parts of their lives, they just happen to be believers.

The musical approach is very similar to the “Musical Jungle” that is used by The Cure only much more upbeat. There is a sort of echo to this entire album like it is resonating inside of your head, so maybe comparing it to the echoey jangle of Grapes of Wrath is more appropriate. OK so the Best Song up there doesn’t really mean anything. This album is so amazingly even that all of them are equally good. Be it the powerful anthemness of “Weapon” or the jangle of “Scenic Route”. “Headphones” is a stand out for me because it is just so simple; a simple little song about a break up and trying to hide from the world by engulfing yourself in a song. But like I said that means nothing, even as I was typing this I thought about changing the best song to “Scenic Route”. Get this album; don’t think of it as a Christian album, just get it.

Top10 Albums of 2009: #6

6.) Duke Pandemonium- Marmaduke Duke

Best Song: Rubber Lover

Marmaduke duke - Rubber lover download

found at bomb-mp3 search engine

This is a record that belongs somewhere between Talking Heads, DEVO, and The Art of Noise. Meaning it is really quirky dance rock with creative use loops and samples. This is pretty obvious from the opening track “Heartburn” which invites you to dance to its primitive drum machine but makes you question if you should. Of course the next track is called “Everybody Dance” and it sure makes the choice for you, which is to dance only to feel awkward when the danceable part goes away and then comes back.

Everything here has something interesting going for it. Whether it be the weird transitions that feel like they shouldn’t work but yet they do, or the fact that this seems to be all about having fun with the disguise of being super serious; you will never be bored listening to this album. I am particular found of the controlled chaos of “Demon” as it transitions from noise to quasi-funk which then starts to add jangling guitars and cow bell until the funk beat is dropped as it becomes a full blown Brit-pop number. Before once more changing to an avant-garde noise piece and then to a space rave songs and then to a heavenly dream/space pop song for a gorgeous coda.

With out stopping “Demon” transitions into another highlight the hilarious “Erotic Robotic” with the line “erotic robotic/despite the accent we’re Scottish”. The complete Highlight though are the closing two songs. “Rubber Lover” is a favorite of mine. It samples Billy Joel’s “Sleeping with the Television On” which is an oft overlooked gem with a great hook and Marmaduke Duke does not let the source song down. The song then seamlessly flows into “Skin the Mofo” which is a song that needs to be heard to understand its charm.

Top10 Albums of 2009: #7

7.) The Life of the World to Come- The Mountain Goats

Best Song: Hebrew 11:40

Oh thank god this album is better then Lady GaGa, I think I would have been crucified if I put it under her. Now I am going to say something that may surprise some people who know my general opinion of the Mountain Goats. John Darnielle is a genius......but not in the way most people talk about him. Most people talk about how his lyrics are stunning and how these songs hold so much meaning. Well yeah that’s all well and good. He is a good lyrist and he does put himself into his songs but he is no Bob Dylan and he is no John Lennon in those categories. What he is, is an amazing hook writer…well at least with this release. In fact I will call him one of the greatest minimalist hook writers ever… when he bothers to write a hook.

I am not going to talk about the lyrics needless to say they are good like they always are (even the songs I don’t like I admit are strong on this point). The opening song “1 Samuel 15:23” starts out and I hate it. Until 1:36 into it when he decides it is time to actually make this a songs and not just him singing over uninteresting strumming. Even then it is still the weakest number on the entire album, thankfully I don’t need to judge just by the weak songs.

Because “Hebrews 11:40” is the best Mountain Goats song ever! Everything about it just clicks, from the brilliant use of strings to the bright piano. The simple completely irresistible drumming to the felt but only heard if you search for it and then it will be yours to always hear bass. All over the very rudimentary strumming that keeps every thing together. Hardly worse is the delightful folk pop of “Romans 10:9”. There is only one song that I let slip by on resonance alone: “Deuteronomy 2:10”. It bores me so much musically but when Darnielle sings that stupid vocal melody that sounds like it was meant for a different song…well he can get a pass every now and then on heart strings alone.

Top10 Albums of 2009: #8

8.) The Fame Monster Deluxe Edition (includes The Fame)-Lady GaGa
Best Song: On The Fame Monster: Teeth
On The Fame: Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Could Say).


Wait, Wait, WAIT!! Before you go get a pitchfork for me putting Lady GaGa above a group I called the successors of The Who let me explain myself. Lady GaGa is actually a great artist, a brutal force in the mainstream pop industry something that has been missing on the scene for quite a while. She is not dumb. She knows exactly how much spot light she wants and knows how to market herself. But all this would be meaningless if the songs weren’t good. And if you are willing to let a fusion of dance music and glam rock tendencies to infect you ears you will be bobbing your head like there is no tomorrow.

Of course if you are looking for sincere heart tugging from your music you are in the wrong place. This is music to groove, not be breath taken by. The fact that not a single track on either album seems uninspired or cliché amazes me since that is how I feel about most dance music. (I am kind of cheating cause the second disc is her first album from last year) on The Fame Monster the song “Teeth” reminds me of Fleetwood Mac’s “Tusk” but only in the fact that they are both these primal romps that grab you. Also great is the hilarious ABBA like “Alejandro”. As for The Fame, make sure you don’t miss the very pleasant and charming (musically at least) “Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Could Say)”; the part that goes “cherry, cherry, boom, boom” just puts a smile on my face.

Top10 Albums of 2009: #9

9.) 21st Century Breakdown- Green Day

Best Song: 21^st Century Breakdown

This is without a doubt the best Green Day has every done. I could just stop there and let this monster of an album speak for itself but then why would I have bothered writing anything in the first place. With this album Billie Joe Armstrong has defiantly cemented that Pete Townshend is his personal guru. Townshend, with all his rock operas both mini and full (in fact the Itunes deluxe edition of this album has Green Day tackling A Quick One, While He’s Away with awesome results) never sacrificed melody and catchiness for the sake of the “plot”. And that is always the problem I had with American Idiot. It always seemed to focus on its “message” before the music, even if some of it was great.

But that problem is completely gone on 21^st Century Break Down. In fact out of 18 tracks there is only one complete misfire. “Know Your Enemy” is just a dumb bad song. It is a leap backwards for Green Day. Not to loud, not to soft, not to melodic, not to smart, and just plain not to good. But that is just one out of 18! On the other hand the tile track is the absolute pinnacle of what Green Day has become. That Townshend reference wasn’t just for kicks; they are caring the banner of The Who. They rock hard. They have good pop sensibility. They art with out getting too pretentious; and they do it all with out missing a beat. Other songs not to miss are “Before the Lobotomy” “Viva La Gloria (Little Girl)” and “21 Guns”

Top10 Albums of 2009: #10

Hello and Welcome to Half Inch Speakers! This blog will be where I put all my thoughts and opinions about the music I listen to, from the really great to the practically unlistenable. There will be something new here every weekday even if it is only a short blurb and a youtube link.

So with that promise made let us kick things off with what I consider to be the best albums of 2009. Starting with…

10.) Them Crooked Vultures-Them Crooked Vultures
Best Song: Spinning in the Daffodils

What would you expect of a band that consists of Josh Homme (Queens of The Stone Age) on guitar and vocals, Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters) on drums (which means I probably should have mentioned his work with Nirvana) and John Paul Jones (My favorite member of Led Zeppelin)? Well if you answered some damn good music then you get your wish. It combines the quirkiness of Queens of the Stone Age with the sheer HUGENESS and funky bass that helped classify Zeppelin. As for Grohl’s contribution to the band… well it is there but you really have to dig for it. But every now and then you can come across a great Grunge/Pop hook that Grohl is so good at.
This group does have something strange going on. Most of the time a group has a problem of making their songs too long. Well when Them Crooked Vultures decide it is time to do a short song, it seems to last FOREVER! Ok well not all of the short songs but “Mind Eraser, No Chaser” seems to never end. On the other hand all the longer songs simple never miss; the opener “No One loves Me & Niether Do I” lets you know right away what they are all about. Though the best song comes with the closer; “Spinning in the Daffodils” is an absolute stunning song. I especially love the intro as the gorgeous piano starts to get interrupted by a feedback crunch, desperately trying to fight it back until the feedback completely takes over.